True Forgiveness- Seeing There Is Nothing To Forgive
True forgiveness of ourselves and of others is mostly about becoming aware of and realizing that what you thought happened didn’t really happen to begin with- not the way you thought it happened and not for the reasons you assumed it happened.
True forgiveness of others (and of ourselves) is coming to the realization that there was never really anything to forgive in the first place!
That may sound crazy, or maybe naive, but I’ll do my best to explain that statement and hopefully you’ll get it.
The True Forgiveness Chain
Even the most divisive and long standing grudges and guilt can be forgiven and healed with a simple change of heart. That change of heart happens in a chain of causality that starts with a simple awareness. The chain goes like this:
As human beings, until we learn otherwise, our personality (ego) searches for the right things in the wrong places. The “right” things we are searching for are a remembering and embodiment of the innate nature of our Souls. The “wrong” places is really anywhere but our own Soul. Because the personality does this, it creates its own insecurity and insecurity leads to defensiveness and defensiveness leads to attack and attack leads to pain and suffering both to ourselves and to others. So the chain of pain is this:Seeking Outside the Soul --> Insecurity --> Defensiveness --> Attack --> Pain & Suffering Click To Tweet
When you see how your own insecurity has (or continues to) hurt others and how your behavior often does not represent your deeper intentions, you reach a state of humility.
Once you are humble about your own tendency to act from the insecurity of your personality, you can experience compassion for others who do the same, but maybe in different ways than you.You can see the innocence in other's behavior when you can see it in your own. Click To Tweet
You can see how every misguided action that you or they took was a futile attempt to find security and love and freedom where it couldn’t be found, which is everywhere outside of the Soul.
With compassion, you can now see that both you and they have been unwitting players in a comedy of errors. You can look at the past as a bad dream from which you, at least, are awakening.
With your new found awareness, humility, compassion and humor, you can look at the past and begin to see that what your insecure personality thought happened, didn’t and that there is actually nothing to forgive in the first place- it was all a big misunderstanding.
Applying True Forgiveness In Your Life
Depending upon how severe the hurt you perceive, this may be difficult to accept. Try applying it to the little things first and see if you can get to a place of seeing there is nothing to forgive for those. Then try applying this perspective to things you perceive as bigger until you just can’t make it work for you.
That’s when you’ll know you’ve reached your current level of awareness of what really caused the behavior or words that you can’t seem to forgive yet. That’s fine. You’ve just reached the current edge of where your personality is still holding on to it’s “knowing” and is not ready to admit it doesn’t and can’t know everything that contributed to the behavior you aren’t ready to fully forgive yet. Just trust for now that your Soul can and will get to true forgiveness as soon as your protective personality is able to allow it.
Forgiving Does Not Equal Trusting
One final thought on this. Forgiving doesn’t automatically mean trusting. You can truly forgive someone else or yourself, but still not trust them or yourself because you know that for now the personality is still driving the car. You can and should take precautionary measures to avoid a repeat of the behavior or situation if you can.