I was attending a wedding reception for the son of one of our friends. My friend asked me to give his son some advice about having a happy marriage. It was one of those moments where you’re put on the spot. I didn’t have any time to think much about it or prepare a little speech. But it is something I have thought about quite a bit over the course of my own happy marriage of 23 years and counting. I told the newly married groom that the longer I lived, the more I realized how I just plain got lucky to find and marry my wife, and then I said, “I hope you got lucky too.”
It was just light conversation- but as I thought a little more about it, I realized that if there was anything I did to contribute to our happy marriage, beyond just getting lucky, it was in remembering on a daily basis just how lucky I was to be married to my wife. Not just in the blissful happy moments, but in the regular everyday moments of life and especially in the occasional times in which my wife may have done or said things to me or the kids that came from her being exhausted mentally and physically by the challenges of raising six kids.
Reminding myself every day just how lucky I was to be married to such a wonderful wife made it practically impossible to harbor any resentment or to wish she would change in some way. And telling her frequently how I felt so lucky to be married to her may have helped her want to be the type of person that I would feel lucky to be with.
Realizing that we are already extremely lucky actually creates more luck and further fuels our belief that we are lucky. That’s just the way of it. The reverse is just as true. If we start to believe that we are unlucky- that other people have it better than us in some way, then we actually create more reasons to feel unlucky.
The truth is we are very lucky in so many ways, and the more we realize that- the luckier we become. The lie is that we are unlucky, but if we believe it to be true, then, and only then, will it prove itself to be true in our experience. So how lucky do you want to be? It all depends upon how lucky you realize you already are.
Questions to Ponder
– In what ways am I lucky?
– How can I remember and express how lucky I am more often?