What Healthy Self-Esteem Looks LikeCan you see self-esteem? Yes, you can. Just as you can see whether a body is basically healthy or basically sick by looking at it for signs of health or sickness that manifest themselves in the physical form, so you can see whether a person’s self-esteem is basically healthy or basically sick by looking at the physical manifestations of self-esteem. The following table summarizes some of the visible characteristics or external expressions of healthy self-esteem and unhealthy self-esteem:
You may have noticed a pattern in the above table. Healthy self-esteem is centered, grounded, very much the “middle road” whereas unhealthy self-esteem can manifest itself in either the manic or the depressive state depending upon the individual or the circumstances. On the depressive side, low self-esteem shows up in expressions of timidity, shyness, self-demeaning talk and a “stuck” state of little action. On the manic side, low self-esteem shows up in aggressiveness, in competitiveness, in being overbearing, bossy and controlling- things that on the surface might be mistaken as signs of high self-esteem or high self-image, but are really signs of an unhealthy mind (low self-esteem). So today, take a few moments to review the table of what healthy self-esteem looks like, only this time, be compassionately honest with yourself. Have your Self be the coach of your self. Ask your self the following questions:
- “Based on the principles outlined in this table, on a scale of 1-100, how healthy is my self-esteem right now?” - “How do I exhibit signs of unhealthy self-esteem in my life? Do I tend more toward the manic or the depressive?” - “Am I willing to take up daily practices that will improve the health of my self-esteem?
The goal here is awareness, not perfection or solving all our problems- just being more aware of how unhealthy self-esteem tends to show up in our lives- so we can see it when it’s happening instead of being blind to it. This awareness is a critical first step, because we can’t improve what we don’t think needs improving. On the other hand, we might be all too aware of our unhealthy self-esteem. If that is the case, the goal is not to let the self demean and belittle itself even more, but to accept what is now and know that it doesn’t have to stay that way and by taking on the various practices that contribute to healthy self-esteem, we can and will improve our self-esteem. For me, when my self-esteem gets "sick"- when the health of my mind deteriorates, I tend more towards the depressive side. I compare myself negatively to others I think are accomplishing more than I am. I see people my age or younger that I percieve have more of something than I do and I can start getting down on myself. When I do receive praise, I tend to diminish it or not acknowledge it as real. "No, really, it's not all that, I'm just an amateur." I also tend to avoid seeking feedback from others, or confronting issues head on. Everyone is a little different, and we all have work to do to improve the health of our mind. Again, the important thing at this stage is to become more aware, more conscious of how we exhbit syptoms of "sick" self-esteem. Then we can notice it when it's happening and take a step back and watch it happen- seeing it for what it is. From this position of increased detachment, or increased witnessing, we can begin to do something about it, instead of just blindly reacting and not being aware of what's really going on. Related Articles: John Groberg writes on a wide variety of topics related to personal and spiritual growth. His slogan is Grow. By Choice™. His articles draw out principles of personal and spiritual growth common to the world’s ancient wisdom and spiritual texts as well as many of the great philosophers, poets, and writers of ancient and modern times. These principles are then put to the test in his own life with an emphasis on simple, sustainable practices we can apply in our daily lives to more effectively deal with the stresses and struggles of modern life and to more fully realize the benefits of deliberate growth. John developed a model called the Divine-Align-Shine model as a way of visually organizing the principles, practices and the overall process of personal and spiritual growth. His writings are cataloged and organized on his website, www.johngroberg.com where contact information is available. | ||||||||||||||||||||||
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Take this free self-assessment test to create your own spirituality "score" for where you perceive yourself to be currently in terms of spiritual alignment. This is meant to be a tool for self-reflection and to identify areas of your life where you might want to deliberately grow yourself.
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